Okay. So I work in Midtown, it should be called Crazytown. Basically its filled with tourists and the crack heads that prey on them. I’ve worked here for three years now (MOAN) and i have a few favorite nut jobs.
There’s a guy that looks like Vince Neil who I really love. He’s always giving his friends cracky advice on the corner. He’s really very wise, “whaaaaaaaaaa you mutha fucka go fuck your fucking motha.” I mean, for a crack head, that’s probably some realistic sexual advice.
Then there’s the woman who I caught pole dancing on scaffolding one morning around 9:00am. She was good. She had a walkman in one hand, and my heart in the other. There’s also a homeless guy who waits outside Penn Station, with his head resting on his cane, and the other holding a cup out. I mean he stands like that ALL DAY. Its not really funny though, its sad. I mean the crack heads are sad too, but like they should have know that crack is whack.
Anyway what caused me to write this post was that I think I have a new favorite crack head. I noticed him on my way to work today. He was “standing” with a group of friends outside one of those stores that sells like 7 t.shirts for $3 on 34th st. but he was completely bent over at the waist in a manner that i can’t even imitate. I mean legs completely straight but his head was almost on the sidewalk. I’m pretty sure this has got to be an advanced yoga pose. Anyway his friends were just talking to him like no big whoop, and telling him to pull his pants up cuz his ass crack was hanging out (it really was), etc. Just a bunch of crackies talking about crack.
So I just went out for lunch and I saw the bent over dude AGAIN. I wouldn’t have recognized him at first, but he happened to still be bent over. He’d switched locations but same Vinyasa yoga pose. So this time I checked it out a little more, like I wanted to see if his face was purple or if he was asleep you know, just like what the eff is going on here. So I walk by and I notice there’s movement down by his head… bent over dude is counting money. I mean it was only like three bucks, but he counted that shit like 4 times (I wonder if he thought he had 12 bucks when he was done). So then without lifting at the waist one bit, he reached his hand back and shoved that money in his pocket.
I hope he doesn’t go away. I want bent over dude to hang around. I want to see how bent over dude walks.